Ironman - 186 days

If I were to follow the program our coach sends out every Sunday night I would work out 15,92 hours per week. As things stand now, I only manage to do about 7. And I clock most of that time on the weekends. Saturday mornings are most fun - a 2 hour swim. Sunday this week was an hour run at mid day and an hour swim before dinner at 18h30.
I was tired for the swim... however I pushed myself hard. Abdenour, the Sunday evening coach, commented that my technique had gotten alot better. For the first time in about a year and a half, he had no for me to work on.
Yesterday morning we did a timed 200 meter chrono. I clocked 3:32 minutes. My brother keeps getting better. He clocked 3 minutes flush. For some reason, he is my secret benchmark - the unattainable now, but attainable someday - objective to beat.
So I worked out 4 hours on the weekend. And I was a lot less active during the week... Laurent was in Europe so I could not go swim. I did 2 short runs (30 minutes each), one weight training session, and maybe an hour on the bike.
Not enough... But still ok.
I find that my serotonin levels are high... I feel happy all the time. For instance: I keep looking at the glass half full. Work is going ok - however I feel that my days may be counted. Not for lack of performance; for lack of projects. I used to worry about what I would do next if I was at work, to borrow an expression from my British friends from ship days which means get my ass fired. I finally came to terms with that a few days ago, after fretting over it for about 3 years! If it were to happen, I would simply take six months off, and focus on trying to live off my hobbies. I would try to finish my certification to become an aerobics teacher. I would sign up with some training firms and offer my services as a freelancer, I would coach, and I would try and teach at University, and I would write and try to sell pieces to magazines. I have decided to stop worrying that I would make no money and could no longer feed my kids. That whole notion is preposterous, and it drags me down for no reason.
In the meantime, I have also decided to continue saving for a rainy day... and continue having fun in the meantime.
For instance, we are going to spend a few days in the sun for Spring break - taking the kids to Orlando for a few days... We are going the cheap way, but it will surely be memorable to wow the kids and just be warm and laugh and and play. I have also booked a ticket to Madrid. Madrid is one of the places that has enchanted me in fiction and in writing all of my life... and I have never yet had the privilege of going. I will spend 5 glorious days there at the beginning of April. So all in all, life is good right now.
I remember the days when I used to battle with depression. I couldn't snap myself out of dark moods. I would worry, get sad and upset, and had a hard time coping. Things have changed, and I am pretty convinced that my work out regimen is in large part responsible for the positive shift. For one, I have really integrated the Buddhist teaching of impermanence. The Dharma teaches equanimity... The state of being calm, stable and composed, especially under stress.
I manage to do this now because I remember that every mood, every situation, every thing is impermanent. My friend yogi simply says : this too shall pass. So when I am freezing cold, as I dive into the pool, I remember that this too shall pass. And a few minutes later I am warm. When its dark outside in January and my mood is low, I remember that in a few months I will be wearing flip flops outside and be able to feel the sun on my skin. The dark and the cold will transform to light and warmth. When an appliance breaks, like the car a few days ago, I remember that most of the time it works just fine. And when I pig out on peanut M&Ms two days in a row because I tell myself I deserve them, I remember that most days I can control my cravings just fine. And that my body is my temple. It just happens to like peanut M&Ms.

So all things being considered, my life is pretty close to perfect these days.

Ironman - 190 days

French fries. A mound of crisp, hot, salted french fries starring at me begging to be eaten. I actually went out and purchased them. I toned my craving from an extra large poutine to a small fry with salt and vinegar. It seemed a fitting end to an unbelievable shitty day.
I can put things in perspective: I am not dying, nor did anyone die or get hurt.
It was just one of those days where nothing unfolded as it should.
It started with a brief visit by Morgen to my bedroom (never happens) where she informed me she was feeling dizzy and under the weather. I sent her back to bed to get more sleep, emailed the school to inform of her absence, got up quickly, and started looking at my work calendar to see what I could reshuffle around and what meetings I could take from home.
While I was doing this, I let Matis watch an extra hour of TV. I took him to daycare late, and on the way, in the middle of a very busy street, the car just stopped. I pumped the gas pedal, and the spedometer went downwards steadily instead of upwards. And then it just stopped.
Now, I don't know much about cars. And when I don't know about something, it makes me feel helpless and vulnerable. But I had a five year old in the car, I was in the middle of a busy street, and I couldn't show that I was petrified because the city buses barely had enough room to squeeze past us. As I rushed to find a phone number to get help, I tried to make a game out of it with Matis. He had no idea what was going on...
Mom came to the rescue and took him to daycare for me. We were about 800 meters from his school when the car breakdown occured. But it was easier to have him go then to make him wait for the towing. I was on the phone with the 1-800 road sign assistance for about 20 minutes before they informed me that I wasn't covered for their service. I hung up a tad frustrated, and called the local garage station who gave me the phone number for a tow truck. Grateful, I waited. The tow truck gentlemen called about 20 minutes later to inform me that he had a few sets to finish at the gym which would take him 20 minutes, and another 30 minutes to get to me... so he should be there in an hour. I hung up. Last phone call to my standard and overpriced service team at the car dealership. They reccommended a towing service, and a yellow toothed man with a nice attitude picked me up 20 minutes later.
In the middle of all of this action are business meetings to be held.
An hour later, the service team at the car dealership tells me to go home, because they don't yet know what is wrong with the car or how to fix it, and because it's almost lunch time for them and they can't work through lunch so they won't know until later. I oblige.
As soon as I get home, I see the registered letter with a little red flag stuck in the door. I tear it open to find a cheque that I had written last November to pay some parking bills. Turns out the payment was made late, and a cheque was not an adequate way to pay because of the lateness of the payment. The letter goes on to say that I must present myself at municipal court to pay, and that until I do, my driver's license is suspended. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
The car dealership calls to say the gas pump needs to be changed ($1000), and that I will need to rent a car because they can't get to it for a little while. Renting a car isn't possible with an invalid driver's license.
I start to get mad. At Laurent mostly, for being out of town a second week in a row. Why does this always happen when I am alone? First stop: Municipal court to pay bills. I am not smiling. I am actually giving the clerk my best angry stare.
I am off to rent a car. The clerk is in training. He tells me neither of my credit cards are valid, and that he has to call the credit card companies to make some checks. My blood is boiling. But at least the driver's license shows as valid.
As I back home through rush hour traffic, it dawns on me that I haven't worked out today. Its now 4h30pm. I have graphology class at 6h30pm. And I need to pick up Matis and take him to mom's before I go to school. Barely enough time for a 5km run, but I try anyway... and manage to run 30 minutes. But I stop often, I am not concentrated, and my leg hurts.
I give myself points for trying, and hope that tommorrow will be a better day. But it doesn't stop me from consuming the French fries...because I have barely gotten any real work done and I figure I them to keep me going....

Ironman - 192 days

Its Monday night... and I am revelling in a day without work out.
We had a training camp last weekend. Three days of grueling workouts. It started on Friday night after work. A 2 hour session of cardio and strength building exercises. We finished at 8h30pm and went home to relax. The next morning, Saturday morning, we were in the pool from 9 to 11am. Great swim workout... Laurent has started to call me the urban mermaid. I love the name. We were back at the training camp at 3pm for a one hour running clinic, followed by a one hour bike class (spinning). Coach gives good advice... and tells me it looks as though my body weighs a ton when I try to carry it forward during a run. I tell him it feels like that to me too... that I don't feel like a feather dancing in the wind. I wish I did.
By the time Sunday morning rolled around, I was exhausted. I didn't hear the alarm, and dragged my body out of bed at 9am. The idea was to be at workout central by 9h30 for a time 10km run...I barely made it.
I did the run, came in second to last on the team. But I made it. And then we went into the water for an hour afterwards... It was a tough weekend.
Six or seven hours of work out though... and some of my Antilope colleagues doing the ironman are telling me its a bit too early to be putting in this much effort... I may burn out, or get really tired. I still haven't figured out how to eat for optimal energy. Every day I keep trying to get it right, but it feels like I am failing. I know I would be lighter, faster on my feet if I lost 10 pounds... and I can't seem to do that. Not even one!
Morgen is being thirteen... getting some poor grades and having some low self esteem issues. I am trying so hard to be present, to listen, to be there for her. Tonight she came to the conclusion that the reason she was worthless was because I let her fall down a flight of stairs on her head when she was nine months old and that this damaged her forever. I couldn't really escape the guilt trip that followed. Laurent is gone for the second work week in a row. I am trying to manage my time, and live with what isn't done... remind myself that the universe is unfolding exactly as it should. I asked Morgen to find three things that she loved about herself. She struggled. I kept throwing things out that I loved about her... and if I said it, she couldn't use it... she got frustrated; said she hated herself. She finally found three. It took a long time.
In the meantime, five year old Matis was shaking his head, repeating: Le monde est a nous, le monde est a nous (the world is ours for the taking). What five year old says that?

Ironman - 199 days

I am less anxious on weekends about getting my work outs done then I am during the week.

Sunday morning bliss. I have time to read a few pages of my the latest John Irving hardcover as I sip my coffee. I have time to build a playlist for my long run. I have time to play with my kids. Its -16 degrees celsius today. I am too much of a chicken to go running outside. Armed with my new playlist, I leisurely make my way to the gym and run for 60 minutes on the treadmill. I stop more often then I would like, even though the playlist is fun and upbeat. I run 9.7 kms and then head home quickly... I don't want to overdo it because there is a swim practice tonight as well.

I am the type of person who craves structure... and today is not a structured day. The typical routine chores need to be accomplished of course: food needs to be cooked, laundry done, and preparation for the week ahead. And there is a girlfriend who needs help rehearsing for a job interview. Other than that, nothing structured between noon and six.

L is going away for the week. Which means no swim workouts in the mornings; I can't leave the kids in the house for a 6am swim. As a Christmas present, and as a peace offering to compensate for his travels, L bought me a bike rack, so that I can at least get some workouts done at home while he is gone.

I am in a funny mood today...the plans have been put in place for all of this to work. It feels like I am very organized. All I have to do now is actually get it done... and hope no unplanned events modify the foundation, the plans, the structure.

I find it tempting sometimes to get into a whatif thought process: what if I lose my job? What if the kids get sick? What if I get injured? What if my relationship, so precariously balanced, topples over? This mood doesn't last very long; typically a moment and then I remember: wherever you are, be there. Nothing has happened now, in this moment, to screw up my existence. So top worrying about it and enjoy the weekend.

I have convinced L to take Matis swimming while I train with the antilopes. The pool where we train is actually quite elaborate; the left hand side is an indoor waterpark for families; the right hand side reserved for those who swim laps. Morgen wont be joining us; she is in her first year of high school and feels stressed with all of the homework. She has been in her pj's all day trying to compose a song for her music class. I am in awe, but I don't tell her. I forget that I must have been put through that kind of pressure as an adolescent too.

So the week will end with me on track for ironman glory. I will have had 3 swim practices for a total of 4.5 pool hours. Two runs, a long and a short, totalling 1.5 hours. And one 45 minute bike ride. That's close to 7 hours of work out time.. somewhere, somehow, I need to find 5 more. And I also need to remember that I am NOT training so hard that I can eat whatever I want. Its a mistake I sometimes make... I am not hungry, and I figure I need to eat alot because I am training. WRONG!!!!! I am burning about 600 calories a day more than my normal 1400 daily caloric intake. So a total of 2200 calories should be enough.

Ironman - 200 days

The way I see it, I have 200 days to accumulate points to get this ironman finished. 200 chances to invest in training and in resting and in eating well to realize the dream of crossing the finish line. Today is Saturday. My favorite work out day. In part because we start swim practice at 9am (weekday practices are at 6am), and the atmosphere at the pool is friendly and festive. There are always at least five of us in Lane 2, who follow each other with ease during the entire practice. Renata, my long black haired beautiful half ironman partner, was on fire this morning. She led the entire corridor through the 2 hour practice and kept us on pace.
I was in less than stellar form - most likely due to the slice of pecan pie and glass of red wine I had with Virginie and MC last night as I caught up with my MBA girlfriends on the last few weeks of our crazy lives. Virginie, MC and I graduated from an international MBA together back in 2002. Virginie lives a stone's throw away, and MC is in the city nearby. We typically aim to have a girls night about once a month. Yolande, Genevieve and MJ also join us... last night however was just us three MBA grads.
I got home around 11h30pm (too late), and then had a one hour conversation with my spouse L on a sensitive subject. L and I have been together for the last 8 years. We live in a beautiful neighbourhood five minutes from the city, and have a son together, Matis. L has a daughter from a previous relationship. We see her on the weekends. She is the .5 in my statement of I have 2.5 kids. My daughter Morgen is from a previous union with a Norwegian Captain. She is almost thirteen and lives with me full time. She sees her dad for a month every summer, and he typically joins us in Canada every christmas. Her dad and i were an item in my early twenties as I sailed the world on a cruise ship for five years and dained to call it work. Although the passion for the norwegian faded shortly after our daughter was born and we tried to invent a family in a secluded island in the north of Norway before deciding we were better parents far apart from each other, they talk almost every day.
My family is quite functional despite being sown together from different fabrics of life. All the adults tolerate each other. The kids sense no tension. The twelve year old girls actually became close over the years...even though they have very different passtimes and lives. Also in our family are our two year old abyssinian cats, Marcel and Nongo. They are brothers, and are patient and affectionate with our kids.
Its a busy life.
L travels for work very often. Work is also demanding on my end. Additionally, I try to run, bike or swim every day. I enjoy spending time with my kids. I am also very close to my sister and one of my brothers - the latter is also on the triathlon team. My friends are also very important to me. Anie and Chris are what my daughters would call my BFFs (best friends for live). I talk to them every single day. So my challenge right now is making it all fit. Making time for all of these people who each have a very important place in my life, providing for my family, taking care of my health, and getting the work outs in.


My triathlete team coach sends out a work out schedule every Sunday night for the upcoming week. Its pretty detailed, but in essence, the big picture looks like this:

Sunday : am :Long run pm: Swim

Monday: Off

Tuesday: am: Swim pm: Run

Wednesday: am: Weight training pm: bike

Thursday: am: Swim pm: Run

Friday: am: Weight training pm: bike

Saturday: am: Swim pm: run

Right now if I get one of the daily workouts in, I feel a tremendous sense of accomplishment. However I know that to be prepared for the ironman, I am going to need to work my way up to about 10 out of the potential 12 weekly workouts. I haven't figured out how yet, and its making me a bit anxious.

Ironman - 201 days

I met a God Doctor last night. Julie from the tri team had reccommended him. She swims in my lane, and is a very strong runner. I have been complaining of pain in my right leg and butt cheek (sciatic nerve I am told) for about 2 months now. It hurts when I walk. Its almost unbearable when I run. The good news is I wasn't feeling the pain in the water or on the bike, but the pain made me less prone to want to run. And I feel it every step I take. Its been going on for a few months; I tried to get rid of it by deep tissue massages 3x. The made it a bit more bearable temporarily. So I told Julie about it and she told me about a chiropractor/physiotherapist that uses a technique called ART (Active Release Technique) that has had favorable results with long distance triathletes.
I went to see him and he FIXED me! I still feel a slight pull, but the pain is completely gone. I got very excited so I decided to turn in at 9h30pm last night and get a good's night sleep so that I could wake up at 5h30 get try to cycle for an hour and a half before the day started.
I failed.
The alarm did ring at 5h30, and I hit the snooze button until 6am. At 6am, I actually reset it for 6h30am.... the time where I get up and make breakfast for the kids since the school bus picks my daughter up at 6h55 every morning.
So when I got up at 6h30, I was a bit disappointed in myself. I missed the first work out I had set my mind to, despite preparing and organizing myself to make it happen.
However all was not lost. After my first three sips of coffee, a lightbulb went on in my head. My leg was no longer hurting, so why not drop off my son at daycare, and hop over to the gym next door to run a 5km before taking off to work? A quick look at my watch and my work calendar makes me realize that this could indeed work.
I flew to the daycare, then hit the treadmill. I started off slowly; I wanted to be sure my leg wasn't going to start hurting again. Slow for me is a 10km per hour pace. Its slow. I ran at that pace for the first 15 minutes, and then started doing intervals (run fast for a short distance, than slower for the same distance) for the next 15 minutes. I ran 3miles (5kms) in 29minutes and 09 seconds. Not bad!
I am not a morning work out person. I get my highest energy peak in the late afternoon. But running in the morning has the wonderful effect of getting me energized and on a happy high for the rest of the day. I got to work 20 minutes behind schedule, but with 10 minutes to spare before my first meeting. And I managed to get a small workout in during the morning, so I don't have to worry about running out of time as the night falls and I realize there was just too much to do with the kids and around the house to make a work out fit into the schedule.
Life is good right now. Work is not crazy busy. The kids are not going through any sort of crisis, and Laurent is not traveling this week. This almost seem manageable!

Ironman - 202 days

The day didn't start well. I had a swimming practice this morning at 6am. I was up, but I didn't go to the practice. I have a long list of excuses: the business dinner last night which lasted too late, and during which I drank more than one glass of delicious red wine. The fight with my spouse when I got home - some crazy fight about French Poetry that was absolutely pointless. My five year old son Matis who crawled into my bed at 3am and woke me up from a deep sleep. The peeing of my son Matis at 5am who was sleeping so soundly that he did not realize he was in my bed rather than on the toilet. The lingering headache at 6am from the glasses of wine. The sciatic nerve in my right quadricep which has been bugging me for months.
I need to get up at 5h20 at the latest in order to have a coffee and a banana and drive to the aquadome where I swim every Tuesday and Thursday at 6am, and Saturday mornings at 9. Swim practice lasts 2 hours, but I stay only an hour during the weekday. If I stay any longer I am late for work. This morning I actually got up at 6am. I was already upset with myself for not being at the pool, but I figured I could salvage the situation by biking on my stationary bike for an hour instead. So I got up and tried to find my running shoes. Turns out that my teenage daughter Morgen had borrowed them for a day and forgot to return them as promised. I never found the shoes. I never got near the bike. I missed the workout.
I figure one missed day of being on schedule is notgoing to destroy my ironman dream. To make up for the lack of exercise, I have made an appointment to see a chiropractor/physiotherapist reccommended by a member of the triathlon club I train with. The club, called The Antilopes, has very many strong athletes who are in training for this competition and other shorter distances as well. I have been training with them for 2 years. I am one of the newer, and less skilled athletes. But they give me a bunch of emotional support, and the coaches are actually quite good. I have had an issue with my sciatic nerve since December. I feel a pain in my leg whenever I take a step. Its less painful when I swim and bike, but almost unbearable when I run. So to make up for no training, I figure I will try and figure out what's wrong with my body today in order to get it fixed so I can resume training tommorrow.

The Start of the Journey

Everybody has their own private mount Everest to climb. In my case, there has been more than a few; and most of them were not climbed by choice. In 2010 however, I consciously choosing to take on a big one: I am going to do an Ironman. Then I will get the tattoo and call myself an ironmom.

I am told its one of the toughest mental and physical challenges a person can take on. Picture yourself swimming 4000 meters (thats 160 laps of your average 25 meter pool). Then get out of the water, and bicycle for 180kms. At a fast pace of 25km per hour, you'll be sitting on the bike for over 7 hours. When that's done, then just run a marathon. Yes, I mean put on your running shoes and actually run for 42 kms. If you finish this in under 17 hours, you can call yourself an ironman.

This ironman is a grueling experience for many skilled athletes... and many manage to compete in one every year and prove to the world that they masters both in mental and physical stamina.

I am not a skilled athlete. I am a nearly 40 year old woman, with 2.5 children, a full time job, many interests outside of work, a boyfriend who travels to earn his living, and a few best friends I invest alot of time in. And I am going to do an ironman this year. Why? Well I am not crazy. I just want to prove a few things to myself. I want to prove that an average person can accomplish whatever they sent their mind to. I want to prove that being highly organized is absolutely essential in the world we live in - if we want to have it all. And I want to document how to do it... because I think its going to be feasible despite some of the obstacles I face. Lastly, there are a couple of demons I want to exorcise - a grueling physical regime is the best way I have found to do this.

Today is January 7th 2010. Its the start of the New Year. The Lake Placid Ironman is exactly 202 days away. I am armed with strong will, determination, a nutrition plan, a training plan, and a specific number of hours in each day. Today is the beginning of the journey.