Ironman - 192 days

Its Monday night... and I am revelling in a day without work out.
We had a training camp last weekend. Three days of grueling workouts. It started on Friday night after work. A 2 hour session of cardio and strength building exercises. We finished at 8h30pm and went home to relax. The next morning, Saturday morning, we were in the pool from 9 to 11am. Great swim workout... Laurent has started to call me the urban mermaid. I love the name. We were back at the training camp at 3pm for a one hour running clinic, followed by a one hour bike class (spinning). Coach gives good advice... and tells me it looks as though my body weighs a ton when I try to carry it forward during a run. I tell him it feels like that to me too... that I don't feel like a feather dancing in the wind. I wish I did.
By the time Sunday morning rolled around, I was exhausted. I didn't hear the alarm, and dragged my body out of bed at 9am. The idea was to be at workout central by 9h30 for a time 10km run...I barely made it.
I did the run, came in second to last on the team. But I made it. And then we went into the water for an hour afterwards... It was a tough weekend.
Six or seven hours of work out though... and some of my Antilope colleagues doing the ironman are telling me its a bit too early to be putting in this much effort... I may burn out, or get really tired. I still haven't figured out how to eat for optimal energy. Every day I keep trying to get it right, but it feels like I am failing. I know I would be lighter, faster on my feet if I lost 10 pounds... and I can't seem to do that. Not even one!
Morgen is being thirteen... getting some poor grades and having some low self esteem issues. I am trying so hard to be present, to listen, to be there for her. Tonight she came to the conclusion that the reason she was worthless was because I let her fall down a flight of stairs on her head when she was nine months old and that this damaged her forever. I couldn't really escape the guilt trip that followed. Laurent is gone for the second work week in a row. I am trying to manage my time, and live with what isn't done... remind myself that the universe is unfolding exactly as it should. I asked Morgen to find three things that she loved about herself. She struggled. I kept throwing things out that I loved about her... and if I said it, she couldn't use it... she got frustrated; said she hated herself. She finally found three. It took a long time.
In the meantime, five year old Matis was shaking his head, repeating: Le monde est a nous, le monde est a nous (the world is ours for the taking). What five year old says that?