3 days Post Ironman

13:58:41
It will be one of the most memorable experiences of my life.
Friday morning - Ironman - 48 hours
Morgen and I drive up to Lake Placid in the morning together. We stop in Platsburgh and then get my race packet at the Oval Stadium around noon. I learn then that there are 2 Valerie Tremblays in my age category from Quebec competing in the IM. How will people tell us apart? I hope she's really fast...
When I get weighed in, I realize that I weigh the same as I did in my thinnest days 8years ago, except that now its all muscle. I have never in my life been or looked this fit. I get my chips and tags and bags and all the rest of the necessities and leave the stadium labelled 2656.
Friday evening there is an Athlete's welcome dinner in a huge tent on the Horse Show grounds, only 5 minutes walking distance from the house. We all leave together: David and Christine, Max and Marie-Noelle, Alain and Nadine, Catherine, Morgen and I. That is the moment where I really start getting into the atmosphere of the event. The IM announcer (same voice for all competitions), the video...The experience of being in that tent with all of the athletes is very moving -one man lost 185lbs to compete here. His journey started with a doctor telling him and his wife that they were too fat to conceive - 2 yrs later he is half his original body weight, she is cheering him on, and they just found out she is pregnant (of course I cried). The 3 survivors from the April biking accident in Montreal that killed 3 cyclists and injured 3 are here....they are the Ford Every Day heroes. I cry during this part as well.
There is a 79 year old man (looks 50) doing his 18th IM. He is brought on stage with the youngest participant who turns eighteen the day before the race. And out of the 3000 athletes, over 900 first timers. The majority are Americans. In terms of participation rates, Canada is the second of the 27 countries represented. Two thirds of the participants are men, one third women. The biggest age category is 40-44.
Saturday
Saturday goes by fast with Laurent, Matis and my mother arriving in the early afternoon. The morning is dedicated to packing the 5 race bags and checking in the bike and the gear. Many mom's and dad's are here to cheer on their children; the house is full.
8pm bedtime on Saturday evening...but I can't sleep!
Sunday - Race day
When the alarm goes off at 4am, the first thing I notice is that I have slept on my left arm, and I feel pain - but the rest of my body feels ok. The week before the Ironman I felt tired, anxious, and painful body parts kept manifesting themselfves..David and Max advised that it was part of the taper process. Exercise withdrawl makes your body starts to do strange things.
After a group picture (Laurent will take over 400 photos on this day), we head to town. First stop is body marking - your number is branded onto your arms, legs, and your age marked on your right calf. Bike check follows - thank you Louis for being gracious and checking my tires - then a walk to drop off special needs bags and finally time to put on the wetsuit and meet the rest of the antilopes at our chosen meeting point.
The energy in the air is electrifying. We all walk together to the swim start, singing and laughing. I am grateful not to be doing this alone. The sky is gray, it will eventually rain, but for the time being the water is calm.
We head into the water, all 2700 of us, and prepare to start the race.
The gun blasts at 6h50 am for the Pro start. Fifty athletes take off and the rest of us tread water waiting for our gun to go off. I keep wondering how many people are peeing in their wet suits in this confined area and remind myself not to swallow any water...
Finally its time. The beginning of the swim is absolute chaos. Swim for your life - I get kicked in the face, my legs get grabbed and pulled down; I keep reminding myself that no one is doing this intentionally; its just too crowded. And about 5 minutes in my goggles start leaking. So I take them off and put them on my head, constantly reminding myself that the only thing I control is my attitude - and it better be positive because I am only doing this race once.
I end the first loop of the swim with a quick glance at the clock. 45 minutes!!!! Never have I been so slow. It must be because of the need to swim wide-the water is overcrowded. But I adjust my goggles tighter, and go back into the water for loop 2I manage to find the marking in the water and decide to follow it in order not to waste anymore time. I get slowed down by swimmers who are doing the same thing ahead of me. I calculate that I will be out of the water after 1.5 hours, and get discouraged because I had estimated one hour and twenty minutes. But I keep going, and actually enjoy the swim. I feel powerful and at ease in the water; its my preferred and best discipline. My arm doesn't hurt. My wetsuit is on properly. The goggles are no longer leaking. The sun comes out, blinding, and I am smiling and laughing in the lake. The end of the swim comes too fast. I run out and peek at the clock. 1 hour and 12 minutes! Impossible!!!! How did I go so fast on the second loop? This is my fastest swim ever, and I come out in the top 1000 rank (it turns out loop 1 still had the pro time of + 10 minutes on the clock; i swam in 35mins, not 45mins). I run to the bike transition, grab my bag, and say a prayer of gratitude when I realize that it contains everything I need. I change out of my wet clothes completely and proudly put on my antilope tri suit. Less than 10 minutes later I am off on the bike. It is raining slightly, but the wind hasn't yet picked up. I have done this bike loop ten times before, and I LOVE the first part. Its alot of downhill, and in some parts you go so fast that you reach the 67km per hour speed. I pray for no bike problems - my wish comes true. The wind is mild at the beginning of the race, and so my speed is steady at around 30km per hour. That's fast for me - I averaged 26 km per hour when I was training.
I get past the out and back, and start the 17 mile climb back into Placid. The wind has picked up, but I remember David's advice not to get up on my bike and save my legs during the first loop. I had estimated 9 hours for the bike. I finish the first loop in 3hours and 23 minutes! Arriving into town after the first loop feels euphoric. There is a large crowd, the rain has passed, and as I grab my special needs bag containing some chicken noodle soup (Thanks Renata for the reccommendation), I rush off to start loop two, saving the soup for a quick pit stop at the family and friend tent which is pitched close to the house about 5km into the course. A few minutes later I am greeted by Laurent, Matis, Morgen, my Mom, other friends and family... I drink the soup, marvel with Renata about my unbelievable times and current pace, get a kiss from Matis, and off I go again.
Loop 2 goes just as well as loop 1. I play cat and mouse with a girl named Pam. I really pay attention to the majestic beauty surrounding me. The forests, the trees... everything reminds me of Mino. The air smells like camp fire in some places - and although there is not alot of chatting on the course, there is a feeling of camaraderie in the air.
I stop for my first bathroom break after the out and back to Ausable forks and before the last climb. I lose 5 minutes, but its a good mental break to prepare for the hills ahead. I attack them with gusto; and although I know I have slowed my pace from the first loop, I am still resisting the urge to get up on my bike - Annick has given me the advice to hold off doing that if I could, as it would save my legs for the run. Its raining again when we get to the river near Whiteface mountain - but soon I am 160km into the bike and know I am almost done. And I haven't even been on the bike for 7 hours yet. I get a fun surprise right before I start climbing the last hill (we call it Papa Bear because it is a big hill with a bear statue at the top right after a smaller one called baby bear) - my odometer shows 175km, and I have been wrongly thinking for about an hour that I have 190km to ride - It finally dawns on me that its just 180km, and so I am done!
I ride back into the oval, thanking my lucky stars that I had no flat tires, no bike problems, and still feel relatively no pain. At this moment I realize that I have not given myself enough credit; I did train long and hard for this event, and I am more ready than I thought I was.
Mentally, I had always imagined I would get to the end of the swim and of the bike, and I had not wanted to think about how I was going to run a marathon after that. Now it was time to figure it out.
The second transition is quick; the volunteer helps me with my socks and with sunscreen - I decide not to change my clothes, and I head out of the tent. The first 4kms are downhill - Our coach is there cheering us on. I get to the family tent - Laurent tells me he has been posting my progress on Facebook all day (Thank you!), and I realize that the strategy David recommended (walk one mile, run one mile) may have been overly optimistic for me. I start walking - speed walking - It feels as fast as my slow jog, and its easier on my cardio.
I do alot of math - I know I finished the first 2 events in 8.5 hours, which leaves me 8.5 hours to run/walk a marathon, highly doable, so I realize that unless something goes dramatically wrong, I will be an IronWoman before midnight.
The run is two loops of fun. Fun because I can cross my friends a number of times during this discipline. I know Christiane is a few hundred meters ahead of me. I see David finishing the marathon as I am 5km into mine. I see Max, and Pat, and JP, and Korkut, and all of the antilopes who are totally nailing this race. I walk up all the hills and jog down all the hills. When I get into town after the first loop, I am blown away by the enthusiastic cheering of the very large crowd - Go Valerie, you can do it, way to go... It gives me wings.
I don't have a watch (forgot it on the bike), so I have no idea what my pace is, but I don't care. In a few hours, I will be an IronWoman. I am sure of it now.
I gossip and chitchat with Renata for miles onto River Road. I cross Morgen and Stella who are volunteering at Aid Station number 2 and how are dressed as Jungle Jane's (they are the only two who followed the instructions of dressing up for the station's jungle theme). And when I feel the slightest big of pain and discouragement, I think of Alysia. I think of all of the Alysia's in the world who are currently going through chemotherapy and radiation and in a painful fight to stay alive - and all I feel is gratitude and strenght and so very lucky to be exactly where I am right this moment. I don't stop. Not for a moment. Renata urges me to run. I share a few choice words with her once in a while when I don't feel like picking up the pace. Marie-Noelle passes me running at around mile 21. She is on fire!!!!
The climb into town comes too soon. Bob is a few hundred feet ahead of me. I pass him in the final 2 miles. I know the end is near. I know I am close to 14 hours, and I don't realize that the 14 hour mark hasn't passed until I get to the stadium entrance and the clock shows 13:57. The sun has set but its not dark yet. I don't know how many loops of the stadium I need to run to finish, but there is a chance I can beat 14 hours. I start sprinting. There are people everywhere - touching my arm, shouting encouragements. Music is blaring, and then, within seconds, the voice of IronMan booms through the loud speakers and boldly announces: Valerie Tremblay, YOU ARE AN IRONMAN!!!!
Most of the Antilopes have finished and are waiting there to greet me as I join in their success. I am Euphoric as someone places a heavy medal around my neck and offers me a finisher tshirt and cap. I walk to see my family, who are on the other side of the white barrier separating athletes from spectators. I can't eat; my stomach is queasy; but other than that I feel very little pain.
We head home after a little while; and every one trades race experiences. By eleven I am in bed, but have difficulty sleeping.

Monday morning at 7am I am up and wanting to pack up to go home. Its time to put this experience behind me. And Laurent is working this afternoon, so there is no time to waste. We stop by the Finisher's store on the way into town - I treat myself to a beautiful gold necklace with the IM logo - a souvenir from this journey which will always remind me of my power, my resilience, and my ability to accomplish anything I set my mind to. I trained hard and well for this event. I feel no pain. I could do another race shortly. But I won't. The training took its toll in a number of areas of my life, and I need to focus on mending this now. I am one of the lucky ones; one of the lucky few who get to live this experience. I cannot express my gratitude enough to the friends and family who have been so supportive and encouraging. I am blessed.

Below are the official race results:

Valerie Tremblay
BIB AGE STATE/COUNTRY PROFESSION
2656 39 VERDUN QC CAN Business Executive

SWIM BIKE RUN OVERALL RANK DIV.POS.
1:12:16 7:17:35 5:14:47 13:58:41 1852 72

LEG DISTANCE PACE RANK DIV.POS.
TOTAL SWIM 2.4 mi. (1:12:16) 1:54/100m 1023 36


BIKE SPLIT 1: 30 mi. 30 mi. (1:34:51) 18.98 mph
BIKE SPLIT 2: 56 mi. 26 mi. (1:55:22) 13.52 mph
BIKE SPLIT 3: 86 mi. 30 mi. (1:42:02) 17.64 mph
BIKE SPLIT 4: 112 mi. 26 mi. (2:05:20) 12.45 mph
TOTAL BIKE 112 mi. (7:17:35) 15.36 mph 1928 67


RUN SPLIT 1: 5.7 5.7 mi. (1:01:50) 10:50/mile
RUN SPLIT 2: 11.9 mi 6.2 mi. (1:20:04) 12:54/mile
RUN SPLIT 3: 26.2 mi 14.3 mi. (2:52:53) 12:05/mile
TOTAL RUN 26.2 mi. (5:14:47) 12:00/mile 1852 72

TRANSITION TIME
T1: SWIM-TO-BIKE 9:39
T2: BIKE-TO-RUN 4:24

Ironman - 2 days

Possibilities. They are what drive me. I have just realized this, now, at 5h20am on Friday morning as the sun slowly rises on my little corner of Nun's island, casting a beautiful pink light all around. I get up every morning because of possibilities. The possibility that today I will surpass myself. The possibility that I will learn something new. The possibility that I will some day again feel the energy and light of Paris. The possibility of new friendships. Of feeling loved. Of falling in love. The possibility that my kids will surprise me. The possibility of tenderness, affection, kindness and generosity. The possibility of feeling hope and excitement about the future.
At this exact time in 48 hours, I will be getting ready for the mental and physical challenge of a lifetime. For now I have a slight headache, I am gaging how my body feels every 5 minutes, and it doesn't feel really good at all. I am hoping its psychological. I want to feel great for the IM. My biorythm doesn't indicate that it will be the case (16%+ on the physical), but who cares. Its one day. One chance to give it all I have - and to try and make the last 6 months have some meaning in the grander scheme of things.
I have not figured out how I will run yet. But Renata will come and figure it out with me. And there she creates the possibility of bonding through a shared experience.
I have been surprised by many comments in the last few days. My masseur, Simon, who knows all about how extreme I am, has said that I go from being completely selfless to very self centered. I told him I was looking forward to becoming selfless again, once this goal had been achieved. I also told him I don't think I will ever be about balance. The possibility of feeling vibrant and alive in every cell of my body, even if it means sometimes feeling absolutely destroyed, makes the journey worthwhile for me - I admitted that I was scared that this was it - that there would not be any more big highs after this. His spontaneous belly laugh infirmed that the statement was idiotic: You are a magnet, he told me. You attract people, situations, experiences and opportunity.

Without that possibility, I feel like I simply go through the motions. He is right.

And to quote D. Hart: When a door closes, a window opens.

I know I will hurt on Sunday. I also know I will cross the finish line. Because doing that will create the possibility of turning the page and looking forward to the next window opening.

My boss wrote me the following: Whatever the outcome this weekend, I am thoroughly impressed by your preparation and taking this on generally.Undoubtedly you have faced lots of challenges along the way. It's your unwillingness to let excuses get in the way of you doing the things you want that amazes me. Again, whatever the outcome this weekend you will have done the incredible.


I will remember these words with gratitude as I ride my bike for 8 hours. He is right; I don't do excuses.

I have not worked out this week, save a swim on Tuesday morning. I wanted fill my batteries as much as possible. I have found that sleep has been difficult - and hence I don't feel well rested. I have eaten well though - no cravings for junk, just healthy foods and snacks. Works has been mad with activity - and its taken my mind off other more difficult emotions and situations on the personal front. But now its time to shut off my blackberry and turn off my iphone, to stop expecting encouragement that will not come, and be grateful for that which has.

I had many positive moments this week:

Two nights in a row, Anie spent hours talking my emotions through with me. Creating movies and possibilities, trying to make me look at things through a different light. It made me realize that the connection we had at 5, 13, 18, 22.... is still alive and kicking. We are connected forever, this I know for sure.

Laurent is trying the very best that he can to be supportive and helpful. We don't often agree on what that should look like, however I know his intentions are pure and I am grateful.

Morgen is back from Mino and still a really sweet and wholesome kid. I picked her up yesterday morning bright and early, and I cried as I walked through the woods and headed toward the Tournesols - its mindblowing how that place shaped me. Some of the most precious memories of my life were created there - they defined the woman I became and the values that I hold dear. Her experience was quite different than mine. Not as emotional. Then again, she is a very different person. I realized that my love of writing, of documenting everything, started at Mino. I realized that it is a truly magical place, filled with possibilities. And even if I am grown, whenever I walk there, I still feel the magic everywhere.

Matis missed me terribly this week. Hugging his tiny body is what brings me the most energy. He slept in my bed last night, and respected the rule not to try and touch biz in the night (the mole in my neck he views as his lifeline). He is my sunshine.

Some of my colleagues at work asked what was driving me to do this, and I think were insired by the answer. Its a very nice feeling to know that my actions can inspire others.

I have felt the positive energy of my girlfriends, even though I have invested less time and love that I would like in those friendships during the last six months. Chiquita, Yogi, MC, Gege, Nini, MJ, Vanou, Renata - Thank you.

That's the yang. And there is also the ying:

This week, a number of events reinforced my belief that the people you need the most often abandon you when you need them the most. The important men in my life, especially, have mastered this difficult skill. My dad when I was three, my stepfather who was not a stepfather, most boyfriends thereafter, and most recently CHR who is going through a horrible hell, and has no energy to keep his promise of friendship. I had a strong hope that my relationship with him would turn the tide - I felt open to believing that my mitote could change, and that I could create a different reality if I believed one was possible. Time will no doubt bring wisdom and learning from this experience. For now, the energy I invested in building this friendship has left me absolutely empty and drained.

What is important now is this: I forgive all of you. I forgive myself too for how I handled those relationships, and I am grateful for what they have thought me.

So, back to the IronMan, which is what this blog is about afterall.... Do I feel ready? No, I certainly did not train enough. Did I do the very best that I could? Absolutely. As a working mom, with a very full life, I invested as much as I could in training as often as I could. It changed my body. It changed my outlook on life. It helped shape me. Will I do my best? Certainly. Will I cross the finish line in under 17 hours? That remains to be seen. The fact is however, that I am already a winner. And although I have no idea what they are today, I am very excited about the next possibilities.

Ironman - 7 days

When I start a sentence, I don't have the certainty that I will be able to finish it - coherently. Its Sunday early evening, I am alone in the house in my pyjamas. Laurent is in a plane to Germany. Matis is in Quebec, Morgen is at Mino. Yolande is in Bonaire, MC and Virginie are at ChicChoc. Renata is biking in Gatineau, Ms Helen is at the Spa,I can't find my brother, the other athletes are in lake Placid, and Chris is still missing.
So I am all alone. Really alone. I want to go to bed, but I would like to go to bed smiling and happy. But my smile and happiness are nowhere to be found. I did a last bike ride with Marie-Noelle yesterday, one loop, it was fun not to do it alone. I swam and ran this morning, nothing too outrageous. But I am so down and depressed that I am panicked. What if my mood doesn't change before next week? What will I do to change it? Putting one foot in front of another is tough. I know that a few good nights of sleep will most likely fix the problem. I hope. But all I feel like doing is crying all the time. Have I . Where do I find the joy?
ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHGHGH.
I don't know what I need. Actually I do know what I need, and I can't have it. So I have to throw it into the universe and wait for things to change. No additional amount of training will change the outcome of the race now - so I know I need to just sleep, hydrate, and relax. No amount of begging will make my good luck charms appear when i need them too. Do I really tell the people that I love how important they are in my life often enough? Am I there for them enough? I need to do something about that after the IM....

Ironman - 13 days

I have been wanting to go to sleep since 7pm. I manage a full day at work still, but my mental capacity is not what it was a few months ago. My emotional capacity is lacking as well - I have very limited patience with situations that aren't resolving themselves.
I had one last good training this weekend. My brother came up to Placid with me on Saturday and we went for a bike loop together. It was a fun and easy 75kms. On Sunday morning we did a 2km swim and a 12km run, and it was smooth sailing...but today is Monday, the day of rest, and I am tired.

I have let a bunch of not urgent, not important things fall through the cracks. Stuff like grooming - nails, hair, the works. No time for appointments.
I am also putting off major life decisions for a few weeks - I have been tempted to make a few irrevocable calls, but I am biting my tongue.
The preparation email for the IronMan was sent out today. Its too complex for my current brain capacity. I am waiting for the moment where i will start to feel excited. I did realize this weekend that i am more fit then i thought. I did five 90km bike loops and two 140km bike loops in preparation for this race, and the last ride was nothing like the first. My bike is broken, but apparently it will get fixed in time, which is great news. Truth be told I really panicked when I was told the carbon frame was broken, but Gilbert at the Sports Shop tells me that there is a solution...
Swimming is very easy now. I haven't pushed myself to run hard for quite some time, but I figure I will figure out what needs to happen on race day and just get it done.
What I miss most is the moral support I was getting a few months back. There is a big void there, and the timing of it is unfortunate. But its for a very valid reason. Such is life I guess. It would be worse not to continue at this point - it would be worse to decide to quit. And the Ironman is not about a finishing in a certain time for me - its about setting a very ambitious goal, and achieving it - the time it takes doesn't matter (as long as its within the 17 hours). Doing that brings a huge amount of self esteem. For me, it means knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I can accomplish whatever I set my mind to - if I have control over the outcome that is. And if I don't, well I don't, and so then its best to just let it go.
They say there is nothing more to be done to build endurance for this race at this point - the important thing is a few good workouts this week - and then next week, a few short workouts in the different disciplines - 20-30 minutes max so your body remembers...
There are many things I would like my body and my mind to forget, and then again, this too shall pass.