Ironman - 7 days

When I start a sentence, I don't have the certainty that I will be able to finish it - coherently. Its Sunday early evening, I am alone in the house in my pyjamas. Laurent is in a plane to Germany. Matis is in Quebec, Morgen is at Mino. Yolande is in Bonaire, MC and Virginie are at ChicChoc. Renata is biking in Gatineau, Ms Helen is at the Spa,I can't find my brother, the other athletes are in lake Placid, and Chris is still missing.
So I am all alone. Really alone. I want to go to bed, but I would like to go to bed smiling and happy. But my smile and happiness are nowhere to be found. I did a last bike ride with Marie-Noelle yesterday, one loop, it was fun not to do it alone. I swam and ran this morning, nothing too outrageous. But I am so down and depressed that I am panicked. What if my mood doesn't change before next week? What will I do to change it? Putting one foot in front of another is tough. I know that a few good nights of sleep will most likely fix the problem. I hope. But all I feel like doing is crying all the time. Have I . Where do I find the joy?
ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGHGHGH.
I don't know what I need. Actually I do know what I need, and I can't have it. So I have to throw it into the universe and wait for things to change. No additional amount of training will change the outcome of the race now - so I know I need to just sleep, hydrate, and relax. No amount of begging will make my good luck charms appear when i need them too. Do I really tell the people that I love how important they are in my life often enough? Am I there for them enough? I need to do something about that after the IM....